I recently heard about a little girl being bullied, the daughter of someone I know. She’d been called “fat” by another girl who lived on her road. She is 5. Yes, FIVE.YEARS.OLD and most certainly not fat, even if she was, should a 5 year old even understand what it means to be called “fat”?
Kids can so cruel, but to be fair they are often just repeating what they have learnt from the elders around them, somewhere in her 5 short years she had been taught that a) to be skinny is good and b) to judge (and bully) other girls on how they look is normal.
Cue that very first seed planted, for the rest of her entire life she’ll be believing “I don’t look good enough as I am”.
Not just for the girl on the receiving end, this is a seed planted in both of the girls – to be the judger or the judgee, the effect is the same.
I know men will always get the blame for our physical obsessed society and many women truly believe that to be the case, “men are the ones putting all these unrealistic expectation on us” they say, “it’s men who make me feel unworthy!”. So here is where I come under fire by saying, that’s just complete bullsh!t.
It’s US. WOMEN are the worst for it. Then we complain about it. Then we do it more. Then complain about it again. Then just carry on doing it to everyone else anyway. Then we get upset and cry when it’s done to us again, and God forbid our daughter gets judged next, so then we just tell her to do it back.
So, IF you do not want to be judged on how you look and if you (like me) would actually love to live in a word where we are all are judged on something a little more worthwhile than how many millimetres of fat you can pinch on your inner thigh, then please, we have got to STOP doing it to others.
I’m not just taking about female calling other females fat either, this covers all judgements on any woman’s looks. The amount of times I’ve heard non-athletic women judging and slamming athletic women for having muscles and looking “gross”, these are the same women who then throw a hissy fit when the athletic women retorts straight back with a comment about her being fat, oh, and when that happens, it’s outrage central and it’s all like “Excussssse me, it’s unacceptable to say things like that!”.
But it’s NO different. IF you tell her she looks gross for having muscles, she is quite welcome to tell you what she thinks about your butt.
In the long run though, both women in the argument are shooting themselves at close range in the foot, they are buying into it and allowing the cycle of judgements to continue. If a women doesn’t want to be judged on the way she looks, then she should refrain from judging anyone else for theirs either.
I know, I know! It’s hard not to retort when you are being verbally abused, but if you do retort it just becomes acceptable for that women go back and judge someone else, because you did it to her. And then the cycle goes on, and on, and on…until eventually it’s aimed back at you again (or, your 5 year old daughter.)
At the end of the day, we are all going to look pretty similar to one another in 80 years anyway. Either dead (in which case who gives a feck) or extremely grey and verrry wrinkly.
I can just see it now, Mavis in her nursing home bitching “Yeah well, I know you are wearing control pants, and you have fat knees…” as she’s stood (hunched) waving her stick at Hilda. Kinda loses it’s power at that level, huh. Makes us look a bit, well, uh, dumb?
That situation doesn’t tend to happen though, but for a different reason. See, at 80 year’s old, Hilda and her cronies seem to get away with it. They don’t seem to be judged for not having ripped abs or thigh gaps, we seem to let the older generation off with our ridiculous expectation on how to look.
Could be because they are not pressured by the sight other 80 year olds half naked on the cover of their Reader’s Digest. Or, maybe it’s just because they realised (50 years too late) that they just don’t give a crap any more.
I wonder, at what age does it change? Do you suddenly you reach your 70th birthday and wake up thinking “Yusssss, I hereby declare that I now no longer have to live up to anyone else expectations ever again. I can now let my wrinkles glint in the sun, and let my knee fat flow without judgement. Hurahh!”
Personally, I think that would be a pretty cool way to live, like, all the way through life. Why do we have to wait until we are wearing Nora-Batty stockings to feel that allowance to just “be us”? What a waste! They say youth is wasted on the young, well, I say body acceptance is wasted on the old.
To see this judgemental aspect of our society now kicking in with girls as young as 5 is just horrifying. And with the pressure not really letting up until way past retirement?
Wow, that’s a loooong ass time to feel sh!t about yourself.
What can we dooo though, what can we to change it?
BE the change you wish to see. Focus on yourself. If YOU can ensure that you are never the one to judge or comment about another woman’s looks, then you have every right to get very p!ssed off and totally high-horsey when someone does it to you.
You can stomp your foot and everything, but just do NOT let it suck you in to reacting back in the same way. If enough women start to do this, it can and it will eventually start to turn full circle.
We cannot expect a change to occur if we are not brave enough to change what is causing it.
I know many will feel defeated already and I can hear a whiney voice in my ear like “Yeahhh but it’s just the way the world is now…”
Yeah. I don’t accept that. The world was flat once. Women couldn’t vote once. We had slaves once. Change is ALWAYS possible.
If you don’t think it’s possible? Fine. Carry on. At some point you’ll eventually come to realise that you are actively choosing to be part of the problem instead of the solution.
If you also do not mind about being judged for the rest of your life on how tall/big/skinny/muscly you are, if you are quite happy to be compared to plastic dolls and photo-shopped images and you feel it’s acceptable to judge other women on those same merits, then there is nothing here to convince you otherwise.
But if the rest of us do our job, there will eventually be a small community of women left inside that fighting pit with you, still there bitching about the other women’s flaws while desperately hating yourself as a result.
The rest of us will be in a better place. Being real, prioritising kindness, having fun and living our life the way we should be able to – with self-acceptance, confidence and rocking our very own, unique level of awesomeness.
Now THAT is the kind of community I want to be a part of, don’t you?